I vow to you.

What do I say to the man I love on our wedding day?
How do I tell him what is in my heart, how it beat

For years with longing for a love that felt like home?

How do I thank him for showing me how to love

Myself, the world, another?

And how can I offer praise worthy of this union,

All of us gathered here together under this

Never-ending sky, in this glittering light, on this perfect day?

Today is a dream come true.

Today I put my hand in yours, offering to walk

Life’s vast expanse by your side.

Today I vow to you my love. I vow to love you as completely

As the sun loves the moon; to love your best and

Never fear your worst; to love you courageously,

Completely, with God. 

You are my love and there is no other.

I commit to love you hard and true

one day at a time for the rest of my life.

Amidst the Wild Grasses

What do I say to my baby sister on the day she places her heart into the palms of another? Except: 
This is a good man. 
His gentle eyes say so 
The way his wide smile lights up his face 
And yours. 

I do not know very much to be true in this life 
The longer I live, the more my heart loves and breaks and love and breaks, 
The less I know for sure 
But there are a few things I have come to rely on:

I know the ocean will always crash against the shore, 
Waves catching light 
And breaking against the rocks, 
Smoothing their rough edges across the centuries. 

I know the sun will forever rise and set. 
Lighting the sky pink, purple, and orange at dusk
Falling away at the horizon
And rising again the next morning, 
Fierce and fiery and filled with light. 

I know that love is a place we visit alone and together 
With courage and vulnerability,
Willing to know ourselves and each other 
To surrender to something greater – something new. 

I know that love has the power to heal our darkest and most intractable hurts, 
If we are willing and if we let it. 

And what do I say to the man who has chosen my baby sister as his wife –
Who has chosen to make this bright light the star in his sky? Except: 

Remember: Her light is holy.
Your love is sacred. 
There is magic in store for you 
Should you choose to accept it. 

Do not fear your pain, or hers. 
Do not fear the tears or the joy.
Do not turn away from any of it.  
Look forward to it with excitement 
For it will only bring you more fully into this life 
More fully into yourself, toward each other and God. 

And to you both:
Hold each other’s hearts with tenderness and care. 
Look into each other’s eyes with compassion and gratitude. 
Make time to remember the beauty and power of your love. 
Fill up with each other. You have so much to offer each other, this world. 

I will always remember the two of you in the lagoon at Churchaven, 
Walking together in that golden light 
Committing yourselves to each other amidst the wild grasses, 
Throwing myself into your arms 
When you told me we were family. 

Churchhaven

The day begins and ends in birdsong;  
Blue ibis rising in unison from the
Glowing sea grass, 
Flamingos with their long legs and pink backs
Dancing through shallow, glistening sea, and
Tiny yellow-bellied birds flitting across the morning sky
In search of water or food or each other. 

They could simply be playing, I suppose
Dancing through the sky for each other
Forgetting for a moment their survival.  

This place is full up with poetry: 
The way the morning light glows against the grasses, 
The sunshine yellow bird outside my window, 
The mountains rising from the mist above of the lagoon,  
And the marshy sea grass stretching out in front of me, changing shape and colour with the tides.  

Whatever despair my heart may feel, whatever love
I can lose or find it here; 
I can be quiet enough to find that still place where God lives
And for a moment, call it home. 

The End of April

I.                

How blessed to watch the sun rise and set

Every day for a fortnight;

To watch the pink, orange, and purple sky

Wake up and fall back to sleep again

Over a horizon of rolling hills, ancient mountains, and wild sea.

To drive across a countryside spotted with speckled cows, lazy sheep, and brawny horses.

To be chased by baboons and to watch eland, ostrich, and flamingos

Make their way across the great wild just outside our window.

II.

The words pour out of me like a flood.

In writing I fall into myself. 

I remember the light between the leaves,

Shining in flares across the sky;

Us together, walking through the hills outside this quiet village,

Climbing to the end of the world,

And wading into clear blue water.

III.               

Oh, how I love you –

Mother, father, sister,

Husband to be and

New brother.

Where have you gone,

Leaving our hearts and home quiet,

Empty without you?

Why does this world exist in so many pieces

Far apart from one another, and yet our hearts

Do not split that way

(Or do they?)

My heart is split and scattered into a million pieces, I swear

I cannot even count all of the places and people

That hold pieces of me in their hands.

Is it meant to be this way? Always missing somebody

As my daughter (who is three) remarked?

And yet it is this way anyhow.

All of you over there, across the Atlantic

Getting on with things as I do here at the tip of Africa,

At the foot of this giant mountain

And at the shore of this endless sea.

I have no choice

But to carry on

Grieving the loss of you again and again

And giving praise for you at the same time.

Thank God for love

Thank God for grief

Thank God for this open heart

Scattered across the sea.